...life of the dead

2011-04-17T11:04:00.005+08:00

Hello man in the mirror.

Who do you think you are?

2011-04-01T19:18:00.003+08:00

this is looking out into the back garden of my house. it struck me how God's so gracious for us not only to be alive, but to know Him and live in His world knowing that He is God. I don't deserve to be breathing this air.

i feel like i'm going straight back into the war zone... without my team. i think its gonna be tough times ahead but i'll be fine. i work for God.

thank you to people who show me no mercy when i feel like breaking down. SOMETIMES a hug would be nice for a change.

my breather is over. God please give me strength.

2011-03-30T18:56:00.003+08:00

because you suck as much as i do, i have nothing to hide. thank you.

if i may be brutally honest, i'm not liking australia a whole lot. the place is not beautiful- i've seen nicer and weather could be cooler. people could be more friendly and it'll be great if things were cheaper and easier to get to. lecturers are the worst i've come across. i don't mean to rant. just being honest with how i'm finding it. after 3 months, i've had enough of this. i'm gonna change.

you see, its always to do with expectations. expect nothing (cos God doesn't owe me anything anyway), stop being disappointed things aren't like how i want them to be (its not my world and man is sinful), and just face facts that Christ is the ONLY one i can trust in and i'll have to be deliberate in loving people, studying for exams and whatever else regardless of whether i get results for my effort or not.

i should stop wishing i was back in KL and things were like before. i've been living with my mind in KL but my body here and just doing things just cos i'm here like i don't have a choice. i need to be deliberate in being a christian and getting my life sorted in australia cos everything IS falling apart.

no one can comfort me- only Christ and knowledge of my hope in Him. Christ is faithful. i live for Him, not even the church. so i'm gonna think about KL less cos i need to think about australia more. i don't think i can take being spread out so much. i pray God will teach me to be more focused and organised in my thoughts.

this is all good training for me. thank you God.

2011-02-20T20:25:00.002+08:00

the dude in the next room's blasting techno. people downstairs're blasting black eyed peas. the bass from that's making the whole place vibrate. im sick so im trying to sleep but im not sleepy... lemme try to do this. sigh

times like these make me miss CERC all the more. so over unmeaningful punk parties and superficial conversations. got a picture of CERC having the Lord's supper up as my desktop wallpaper. CERC i miss you guys.

hope you guys had a good meeting this evening. good night (:

2011-01-18T04:38:00.003+08:00

i've no regrets about how i've been spending the past 7th months of my life. (: i've learnt so much about love. about church. about our sin and God's grace. i've learnt about faithfulness. about being a woman of God. about being a christian in a world that hates God. about God (: priceless. i cannot thank and praise God enough for all that he's provided.

thinking about the next 3 years scares me abit. i fear that by the end of it, i'm just as unequipped as in the beginning. or i get so tired that... i give up? its hard staying focused on God without the church to remind me. i'll put on my imaginary horse blinds and be focused on taking the next step. (: Jesus doesn't lose his sheep.

in many ways, i see this as the last day of my 7-month break from school. though school doesn't start till monday, i know from tomorrow on, i'll be rushing around getting stuff done and living away from family again. while i've missed the freedom, it was nice being looked after. well, time for me to grow up. every time i move, i remember that through all the changes in life, im still anchored onto the one and only constant- my faithful heavenly father. He is my hope. He is all my hope. and again, just like all the other times i've moved, i feel like sitting here to catch my breath for just abit more. sighhhhhhhhhhhh..... so it begins... God help me.

goodbye nz, hello aussie.

2011-01-08T06:22:00.006+08:00

classes're starting on the 24th for me. perhaps i've been so accustomed to having my life revolve around school that to me, the year begins when school begins. (haha! that sounds stupid...) so now i'm still in the "preparing for 2011" time of the year. abit late i know. but in my defence, its been an ongoing reflection while going over the list over and over again to see what i've missed out (i thank camp-planning for helping me hone my double checking skills)

Unlike the many other years that i've planned for come January, too much has changed in 2010 to allow for a poorly-planned 2011. As a member of Christ's church, our life is to do God's ministry- growing the church in numbers and in maturity. I learnt last year, that the implications of this would include me considering Christ and his church in all my decisions. and we all know "considering" doesn't mean "to spare a thought for". But rather, what our creator deserves from every created being-which is, like the rich young ruler, to sell everything and follow him. For me that'll mean giving up having my career as my obsession, the perfect high life as my ideal, and struggling to be a good doctor, wife and mother all at the same time and feeling good about myself being able to handle that. That plan REEKS with ME in the dead centre of it. but i exist because Christ is king. and "making it big in life to show people how faithful/loving/providing my god is and therefore come to Christ", if i may, would be a disgusting excuse which demeans who Jesus is as our Saviour, because people are not converted by the gospel of how rich christians are, but by hearing the gospel of Christ crucified.

Now i'm not saying that christians can't be high-ranking doctors and moms at the same time. Firstly, we should always remind ourselves that we're christians first and within that broad category, a doctor and mom. Considering all our work on earth is to grow God's kingdom, and everything is FROM God and FOR God anyway, logically, the main function of a paid job is to make money to support growth of the church financially. otherwise, in this case, it'll mean giving people free treatment as a hobby. which is great if you have other means of financial support and can make the time and energy after looking after kids, husband, household issues and other church members. (and if i may qualify "growth of the church", it includes obeying God by looking after, firstly, yourself and your family, if not to win them, to grow them in the faith, secondly, other christians in your local church and then the universal church and thirdly, those who do not yet know Christ). We are christians who do research/heal people and get paid for it, (and if you think money is getting in the way of my sincerity while treating my patients, you have mistaken. My heart goes out to the people who do not yet know God, let alone sick, and still not seeing the hope Christ provides.) =|

As for managing kids and the household on top of a taxing job, all i gotta say is: something's gotta give. the decision will tell all about where your heart lies. sisters, there's a reason why we were made different from man.

I must admit, its still an internal struggle for me- learning to cling on less tightly to my life of having it all. I was recently reminded at admist all the studying that i am to do this year, equipping myself in the knowledge of God through his word is undoubtedly THE most important knowledge. and against popular belief that life gets easier after becoming a christian, in this sense, i testify otherwise because now i have to juggle school work on top of doing and learning from and for ministry. Being organised is the cord that keeps me sane while my brain manages that mess of things. It gets overwhelming many a time and stressful even thinking about it. BUT God has given me the Holy Spirit which i am EXTREMELY thankful for. i don't mind being spent, i shall rejoice in my suffering (church, pls remind me =P) oh boy... its gonna be a good year...

here're more pictures as promised (:

fly right next to the insect repellents. lol

seal colony (place name)

actual seal colony (and sea gull) @ seal colony. there were more seals but i particularly like the one on the round flat rock on the left. x)

♥,

Robyn

2011-01-07T12:13:00.006+08:00

we travelled 3586km by car and this's what my eyes have seen this past month...

Cape Farewell: the northern most part of the south island (:

clearest water in the world. its a natural spring.

sunset at Puhara beach

driving into the ferry headed to Picton on the south island

huge caravan!

whale bones at Tepapa museum, wellington

the Tui brewery. with frank the tank. ;)

we went to beach FILLED with pebbles. those were some fierce waves.

setting up camp on the first night at nelson.

sorry the pictures were not uploaded in order. they're bits here and there. took 2000+ pictures so i've got HEAPS more to show you. i'll load them bit by bit. ;)

you know something else? technology's confusing me abit. there's email, facebook, this blog and then there's meeting with people face to face. people in my life seem to be spread over all these different places and its hard trying to pay attention to all at the same time. i know i've been leaving lots of messages unreplied over the past month. i'm wanting to pay more attention to my family now that i'm here with them. =S yea... as i said... confused and a little bit much to handle everything together.

will be heading off to newcastle on the 19th of jan. especially now that accommodation's settled my revision is coming along.... im really looking forward to being busy and learning how to do ministry while doing it.

thank you CERC for constantly reminding me about the gospel and helping me grow in the word and other areas of service to God (: i love you guys.

2010-12-04T07:13:00.002+08:00

it dawned on me that relationships were not meant be long distance. its not meant to be a relationship with someone's voice. but a more consistent contact with the person in every aspect. Adam and eve didn't have technology to skype. and that's probably why we have our local churches too. and why we'll be with Jesus physically in heaven eventually. even every day face to face conversations are mostly small talk plus the occasional serious conversation. which is hard to accomplish in long distance relationships (unless of cos skyping 24/7) which would involve 2 ppl being very free and very rich. BUT. nothing beats a meal together or grocery shopping or giving someone a smile across the room. (:

thank you for sharing your wisdom (:

2010-12-03T19:16:00.002+08:00

its been almost a week since i left malaysia. to be honest, tho i don't feel like breaking down, i do feel like i'm missing a whole lot.

i'm not doing much here and i miss being with other christians. everything here's so quiet. i feel kinda lonely. i've managed to read my bible everyday for the past 2 days since i got here. john 21- my way of feeding Jesus' sheep.

heh. this's me not feeling very optimistic tonight. gonna read my bible and pray.

good night

2010-11-30T20:43:00.005+08:00

(: Kia Ora from the land of the long white clouds. and really.. the clouds here are something else. from the sky, they seemed so perfectly fluffy and i imagined a certain little boy bouncing from cloud to cloud. higher up were the feathery type clouds. you know i wish you guys could have been there to see the sky... it was beautiful. i saw air travel in whisps over the plane wing, rainbows in clouds and a rainbow ring around the sun! i saw lightning and heard rain hitting against the plane. that was exciting. i saw melbourne's city lights and auckland's green fields. i had a view of the centre of the runway as the plane touched down. that was way cool too (: i slept abit, thought about you guys abit. i thank God for giving me wisdom and strength. i'm glad for this.

(p.p.s (prepostscript) thanks for all the messages on fb and adds on msn and skype)

♥♥♥, rob

i mean... how bad can life get if we have Christ as our Lord and Saviour right?

2010-11-19T00:26:00.001+08:00

i don't want tomorrow to come.

2010-11-14T11:24:00.003+08:00

its that time of life again... packing to leave...

i'm glad i actually don't have much time such that i'll just pack and get it over and done with rather than mulling over how ITS SO DEPRESSINGGGG AND SO PITIFUL THAT I'M LEAVING AND JEROME IS HERE... AND EVERYONE'S GONNA MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH..... T.T

call me unemotional. but i'd rather not think about it thanks =P haha!

sigh... =(... [yes i'm thinking about it now]

my room's a huge huge mess... hopefully i'll have lots of stuff to chuck then i won't need to chug so much to nz... lol.. gettit? chuck-chug? heehee... but lucky me got a ticket which allows for 40kgs! whoohoo!

29 nov's the date (in case you were wondering)

i can't wait to leave mainly cos i can't wait to get back (:

pack time! i wanna see a CLEAN ROOM!

xoxox, R

2010-11-07T11:33:00.013+08:00

Stop it with the subjective and experiential already, would you!

"When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful"

Precisely because humans are inconsistent and unreliable, covenants exist so relationships can be maintained. Lying in my bed this morning, i thought about how God's so faithful to the extent of providing all that's needed to save his totally depraved church. That's the definition of faithfulness. Its an objective promise, independent from subjective circumstances (like feelings and responses), but yet ,at the same time, full of emotion (namely, love). This is the same faithfulness meant to be emulated in marriage and in the church.

hm.

2010-11-03T23:44:00.005+08:00

Do the OZies not sleep?!

MY STUDENT VISA'S BEEN APPROVED AT 11:35PM MALAYSIAN TIME! x)

yay! you gotta love their efficiency.

TTC's tmr! can't wait to learn more about the bible and God's word! (:

exciting much!

2010-11-03T13:19:00.002+08:00

i'm craving for some scone, cream, jam, tea and company right about now...

2010-10-28T21:02:00.003+08:00

(: sunday saw him and i making a commitment to be committed to each other. it was really heart warming to see our brothers and sisters being so supportive and excited for us. (thanks guys. we love you.) that was a nice change from all the discouraging responses we've been getting from heaps of ppl. you know one thing i've realised with society nowadays is that so many ppl have issues with committing. instead, they take on the "wait and see" attitude to "open up options". (i used to be like that...) "its nice here.. but i'm not sure i wanna be here cos... what if i find somewhere nicer..." "you're awesome... but i can't marry you cos... what if i find someone better..." "i wanna be here... but i'm not sure where life's gonna take me..." while its true that we're never gonna know what'll happen in the next mintue, the point shouldn't be so much doing only after we know, but making wise decisions because of what we already know... i'm not saying don't plan. but living while waiting to see how it goes, seems to be almost like.... living a temporary life, waiting to do something. waiting for something to happen THEN deciding what to make out of life. well, you've got a choice right? decide where you wanna go in life and make decisions that lead you TO THAT. and never think that the grass is always greener the other side. A very wise woman once told me," the grass is not greener on the other side, its greener where you water it." if i could quote Horace here... Carpe Diem. you only live on earth once (and man cannot serve 2 masters). choose which patch of grass you wanna be on and start watering it.

just something interesting i found on the web- totally unrelated:

2010-10-11T21:31:00.003+08:00

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. - John 15:18-19

Lord, help us love you. help us love you even when the world hates us.

2010-10-06T20:52:00.008+08:00

this photo, i found in my camera... o.O donno what van was doing. but i was looking down the throat of a dinosaur. that was one hungry dino.

(: hello world. its been awhile. yes. i'm still away trying to figure out how to keep connected with humans and handle work that has to be done via tech and real life at the same time. its tough stuff aye. i suspect the key is time management... which i am still trying to figure out. time's running out tho (not surprisingly...) 110 days to school again. sorry if you were the victim of my poor time management. i am getting there tho. =/ sigh.. maybe not.

i've been reading this book about biblical womanhood. admittedly, for most of my lilfe, i never really had much appreciation for stay home moms... =P but now i do. maybe it flows from my experience with having less freedom and more nagging than i would have liked. but the more i think about how its God's world, meant to be run according to His plans, the more i see how distorted this rebellious society has made these creation mandates and how evidently, we're suffering because of this.

gen3: Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.

now, "desire" there in greek, refers to the type of desire that means "wanting dominion over" like how sin's desire is for us in gen 4:7- same greek word.

This, i reckon is the perfect example to demonstrate rebellion against authority. who likes submitting to authority? but this is exactly the way God created this world to function- until we decided to be our own boss with our own plans. just like how a Mac OS will never work perfectly in other computers other than an apple, our plans will never work out well in a world created by God. now this authority that husbands have over their wives, this doesn't mean that the wives are lower down in the hiarachey/ less important/ meant to be use/ stepped on. just because men and womens' roles are DIFFERENT, both are just as important in doing God's work and bringing God's plans to pass. it doesn't mean that men do the "more glorious" work while women do the less important work. in a church context, from the beginning of time to present, i just means than men and women have different roles and all members of this church body work together for the sole purpose of glorifying God. (in gen 2, we see Adam was created to do God's work, for God's glory and Eve was created to help accomplish this same purpose but as the role of Adam's helper)

now, if you're thinking... isn't it more glorious to be the leader? God's so unfair to girls... well wherever did you get the idea the leader had the more important role? can a company go well with just the leader and no one to help? how about a company with just helpers but no one to lead?

its amazing how God created men and women to be different but yet so perfectly complimentary at the same time. This, my friend, is God's glorious wisdom revealed. so this whole mindset that i used to have about having a good career, making money so that my kids can have a good education... so THEY can have good careers and lots of money too... well... i failed to see firstly, the biggest thing... was that i'm alive only cos God decided to let me live. and the reason why i was created, was for God's glory. i am living in God's world. and God has spoken through His word- the bible, about what my role here on earth is, as a woman. would i be that foolish to continue insisting on living according to my own plans? talk about being obedient to God.

we now know. we have no more excuse. since Christ has ALREADY saved us from the punishment for rebellion, why do we still persist in it? choose life.

♥, rob

2010-09-29T22:11:00.002+08:00

change of plans. gonna finish my driving here first... starting my first lesson tmr. excited to not crash/kill anything. =| last time i drove, the car's handbrake was soooo super stiff! admittedly im not that buff but STILL. what discrimination.

met up with someone to read the bible together yesterday. being reminded about how great God's love is was just too precious... especially when you read it for yourself and it suddenly it hits you for the first time. and you go... Thank YOU GOD! (: that's the Holy Spirit at work right there! whoohoo!

thank you God.

i feel like writing more.. about church, about what i've been learning this couple of months. i'll save that for hopefully sometime in the near future. when i am more reflective and can put my thoughts into words more easily. and more discerning so i'll say things in a way that will be as unoffensive as possible. (:

peace.

2010-09-16T10:07:00.001+08:00

you know it just feels too surreal that im leaving in (lemme count...) 25 days time. im glad i found out late so there's no time to be sad. but its true you know... why waste time mulling over things like that. all this is happening fast. there're just so many things that has to be done till that day. it feels like a tsunami... literally.. while on the surface everything's a mad rush and getting stirred up, right below its calm. i am not unfeeling. i do love my eternal family here in malaysia, but i know we all gotta stay focused at our work. so many ppl to tell the good news to and our time here is short. what's 3 years apart when we'll be spending eternity together anyway... what is our only comfort? our hope of salvation secured, reassurance in Christ, the only faithful, unchanging, I AM.

2010-08-31T01:12:00.003+08:00

every once in awhile i do stupid things like staying up late even though i know i have a super early start tmr... exhibit A- me, now.

but i just dont feel like sleeping. i havent touched a computer for the past 3 days so im catching up with my mail, clicking around fb abit and checking up flights to nz. and yea... ranting on my blog too cos im sleepy but i dont feel like sleeping. yes. lack of self control. im weak like that. its the reason why i scratch my skin. and sin. and stay up late. im being really irresponsible here. im gonna be tired tmr. and i won't be in the right state to hang with my homies- i get grumpy when im tired. and whine abit too. =P

so as i continue to type right now, its a demonstration of how im lacking self control.

shammmeeeeeee on meeeeee =|

hello to IMU friends who've gone away to ang moh lands. i love the pictures on fb. they make me happy cos i guess i miss you guys =P (:

newcastle's making us decide on where to go for GP posting and health EQUITY SELECTIVE (cool name hur) all the places sound just as good to me. =P gotta do research. i guess school work's starting to creep back into my life. time to sit down, plan out my life and get down to it.

yay. im gonna edify my family by going to sleep now. (: night.

2010-08-05T09:02:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I blog because I need to talk to myself. Doing it verbal doesn't quite work.

And I guess I don’t mind people reading these conversations I have with myself. Perhaps like the apostles writing about their dim wit for the betterment of society, this would have the same effect.

A blog entry is very much in order.

My 4th of august was spent in 4 places.

1) in bed-sleeping and clicking around the computer, internet barely worked

2) in front of the tv- staring at the stupid black box and reading 2 chapters of john [I was aiming to finish the whole book]

3) kitchen- cooked lunch and dinner for 2.

4) toilet- toilet stuff.

By the time I got to my last toilet stuff session, I was too frustrated at myself.

TIME. Just SIMPLY IS NOT meant to be spent like this. What is the culprit?

So I came up with theories…

Firstly, The "my job" theory

I found myself saying.. Hey.. Actually.. "I can’t wait to start school." On a usual school day, 2/3 of my waking hours would be spent on my school work and the rest of the 1/3, on really appreciating the opportunity to do NON-school work. And perhaps ive become so "defined" by school work being the main activity of my day that without it, I have less motivation to do other things. But this theory doesn’t quite get to the core of the issue..

HOWEVER, Theory #2 does.

First, some facts about me: When there's too much work, I just wanna sleep. And since its holidays, I let myself do whatever I feel like. I can be darn lazy. When big piles of work come along, If I had a choice, I'd take a long brainless break till just before the deadline =S

I would rather be comfortable than use the gifts (including ability and time) God has so graciously given me. I am such a #$*@&?! (My vocab doesn’t have a word terrible enough to descirbe me)

OH SIN. Not appreciating time on earth = not appreciating being alive on earth = not appreciating Jesus who makes that life possible

and I think its safe to say...

Its treating Jesus like shit. And enjoying it.

And I have no doubt that a lot of other things I do, while it may seem normal or maybe even good from a human perspective, actually also reaches that disgusting degree of rebellion and pride.

Romans 8:5-8

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Time to drown the smug, get off my ass and remember my life isn’t mine afterall.

2010-07-02T20:42:00.003+08:00

i was reading my blog entries from when i first arrived in malaysia. gosh i was bipolar. happy one day. miss nz like bleah the next. complain bout this. get angry at that. then back to "GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" it was all about the emotions wasn't it... -.-" idiot.

21st sept 2009- the day words breathed life into my veins.

here's bits of what i read...

[THIS'S HARDCORE SERIOUS MIND-BLOWING STUFF!! SPARE THE 5 MINS. IT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE]

Known as the objective position because it describes the atonement in terms of its effect on God.

He who does not render this honor which is due to God, robs God of his own and dishonors him; and this is sin.

he who violates another's honor does not enough by merely rendering honor again, but must, according to the extent of the injury done, make restoration in some way satisfactory to the person whom he has dishonoured- this is what we all owe to God.

In the order of things, there is nothing less to be endured than that the creature should take away the honor due the Creator, and not restore what he has take away.

But what do you give to God by your obedience, which is not owed him already, since he demands from you all that you are and have and can become?

Therefore man cannot and ought not by any means to receive from God what God designed to give him, unless he returned to God everything which he took from him' so that, as by man God suffered loss, by man, also He might recover His loss. But a sinful man can by no means do this, for a sinner cannot justify a sinner.

Satisfaction can only be made if the price paid to God for the sin to man be something greater than all the universe besides God. Moreover, it is necessary that he who can give God anything of his own which is more valuable than all things in the possession of God, must be greater than all else but God himself. Therefore, none but God can make this satisfaction. But none but a man ought to do this, otherwise man does not make the satisfaction.

Divine and human natures cannot alternate or be commingled. God will not do the work necessary to be accomplished, because he has no debt to pay' and man will not do it because he cannot. Therefore, it is necessary that the same being should by perfect God and perfect man, in order to make this atonement. it is necessary that the God-man preserve the completeness of each nature, it is no less necessary that these two natures be united entire in one person.

Therefore, as through Adam and Eve sin was propagated among all men, so none but themselves, or one born of them, ought to make atonement for the sin of men. And, since they cannot, one born of them must fulfill this work.

For, if Adam would not have died had he not committed sin, much less should this man suffer death, in whom there can be no sin, for he is God.

Nothing can be more severe or difficult for man to do for God's honor, than to suffer death voluntarily when not bound by obligation; and man cannot give himself to God in any way more truly than by surrendering himself to death for God's honor.

Who is your saviour? Who is your Lord? Who is your God?

Dont feel it. Think about it.

2010-07-02T14:03:00.002+08:00

haha! tada! here goes nothing....

my new blog layout skin thing... doesn't work very well on the old windows browser. on google chrome(which i JUST downloaded. its so fast!!)- still survivable. but its BEST viewed with safari. that one loads up perfectly every time.. i was trying to do a dropdown menu for the archive bit. but failed... any ideas? not sure where all the hyperlinking should go. oh well! hopefully ppl will click on the links and all that yadadada. the other thing's the entries. i cant seem to have more than one entry per page. sorry bout that. =/ its a tad annoying i know but no doubt its looking prettier than before! or at least i think so. (: ok. i think ive spent enough of my life on this blog skin and talking about it.

so. with school out and me having SO MUCH TIME in the world to do SO MANY THINGS, i think im doing a terrible job of it. more unstructured free time you give me, the more time'll be wasted. (btw i realised how LONG 10 seconds can be while running on the threadmill today. just IMAGINE 10 seconds in hell =|. so moral of the story is... don't waste time) doing up my blog and blogging's not really counted as wasting time. maybe. neither is cooking (ive made pasta twice and omelette with noodles so far this week. next time im gonna put the noodles IN the omelette xD) and the result of that is the discovery of this list of staples for a student's kitchen: non-waxy noodles, cheese, garlic+onions, eggs, canned food, mince, bread, butter, tomatoes, marmite (: hopefully this list will grow or my husband wouldn't be too happy.

and READING! (: the book of Romans a terrific read ;) and im still trying to figure out what exactly biblical theology is from According to Plan by Goldsworthy (: and i bought a copy of The Briefing!!! wheehee!

lots of other plans are still bout.... 89.99994% baked. we'll save that for next time.

call me/mail me/text me if you're bored. i'm not on holiday for nothing ;)

♥CHEESECAKE........ x)

2010-06-17T18:53:00.006+08:00

What does it take for you to give your undivided devotion to the Lord?

2010-06-16T21:48:00.003+08:00

its like an internal battle that never ends until we die. all the photos of my gorgeous friends overseas are doing me no good. charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
and its true, by the way. the gospel is offensive. be prepared to give up EVERYTHING.
and at the end of the day, rejoice in your suffering.

2010-06-14T00:05:00.002+08:00

(: hello. its sunday again! (: last sunday night i was working my butt off and this sunday night its all over. exams came and passed... uneventfully... i mean.. the usual la... 2 days of poo and 2 days of can do. haha! ;) (i just came up with that.. pretty cool eh.. it rhymes!)

post exams've been great! had a great dinner with friends after a long long long time. and had lotsa church stuff to do! x) like co-leaders training, growth groups (where we GROW TOGETHER in CHIRST through HIS WORD!! =D) i love doing church stuff.. its like the only thing in life really worth doing. lol. I'M SERIOUS! What else is worth working for when God's... well GOD of this universe. everything pales when compared to working for God. its just too great a privilege. its true (:

there've just been so many changes happening in life now.. big decisions to make about the future and how i can best serve Christ in life. we all GOTTA have plans right? like where to live; who to marry; what to work as =/ but wow.... making decisions to do things for the sake of the gospel's ONLY the easy bit. getting round to actually doing as planned. that's SO hard... that's why we TOTALLY need the church to slap us around when we get weak. i thank God for his SUPER-LY ABUNDANT grace- the only reason why i'm even considering living life pleasing to God.

by the way.. for people who're wondering where i'll be next year... its gonna be newcastle, OZ. (: starts in feb. holidays plans still fluid. very interesting to wait and see how things play out.

2010-06-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

(: talking to people about God today was a great reminder for me about how God is so GREAT and all that we do should have a sole motive of pleasing Him. cos that's what we were created for anyway....

so yes. while i have a horrible feel about this exam, no, i do not regret going for the God and Sex event in church today. i think that was pleasing to Him. and i think me studying all those hours was pleasing to Him too. and me constantly reminding myself that i'm doing all this to help the church was also pleasing to Him. whatever the outcome of this week's papers. AS LONG AS I CONTINUE LIVING A LIFE PLEASING TO HIM, everything else's just secondary, really.

21 years ago, today, God decided i were to be born so i can experience His grace and a great life under Him. who needs birthday gifts when your birthday WILL BE, in itself, the greatest birthday gift you'll ever get. thank you God, for everday we have with you-our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

good night world.

2010-06-03T10:17:00.000+08:00

Christ has ALREADY paid for my sins in full and given me new life in Him. He will SURELY provide all that i need for a life of service to Him. (be it in passing exams or other things) WHY THEN, YOU SILLY GIRL, ARE YOU SO SCARED OF FAILING? just study hard. fail then fail lor. 3 more days. CHONG AHHHH!!!!

2010-06-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

Before the throne of God above

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

2010-05-25T21:48:00.007+08:00

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. -Rom 1:18-20

SERIOUSLY. i can be a witness that this is SO TRUE for med students. learning about pregnancy: all the hormones take turns to increase and decrease, in different amounts, at different times of pregnancy, afew at a time. and that's just one lecture. -.- and embryology's another proof of divine nature. HOW HOW HOW?!?!?! can all these molecules spontaneously decide to come together in a configuration that fits another bunch of molecules (which spontaneously formed), in a particular part of the human body, perfectly so that a chain of... ALOT of things can happen in the cell to produce something else with a function that plays a role that affects another thing which spontaenously POPPED! into existence to contruibute to the SURVIVAL of a human.
mind you... this's happening to the power of x in EACH cell in the body.
and i am SURE the body containing all these molecules at their precise locations SPONTANEOUSLY existed too right?
i mean.... HOW MUCH MORE LOGICAL COULD IT BE?!
_____________________________________________________

For from God and through God and to God are all things.

To him be glory forever.

Amen.

2010-05-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

there was something really captivating about the colour and clarity of the plastic and the turquoise shadow it made.. haha! the things that distract me during study. that and blogging. xP nah... its break time.

hey listen/read: Only the motive of grace- trust in the undeserved favor of God- can inspire us to purpue holiness free from fear and shame. -Joshua Harris

i think i've yet to learn how to appreciate grace.

♥, rob

2010-05-12T21:40:00.001+08:00

i was so foolish for wanting to be smart, pretty, atheletic and popular. its all useless unless it was to glorify our God.. but if i EVER did say that, i am so sinful, i'd be lying. die you self-righteous fool.

my gifts are for the church. my gifts are for the church. my gifts are for the church. my God-given gifts are meant for God's church.

2010-05-11T18:41:00.003+08:00

since exams are 9 days away. i thought i'd do a little touch and go here.

last weekend was great!!! i love weekends cos i get to see the CHURCH! (: we had dinner together on friday while celebrating all that we've learnt from the book of deutoronomy. besides the company being great as usual, it was especially encouraging and warming to the heart to hear everyone come up front to share abit of what they learnt from deut. its great to know the church's growing in maturity through the word TOGETHER. (: together.

a big thing ive been learning is about being a member of the church. being a christian is SO MUCH MORE CORPORATE than many MANY MANY make it to be. EVERY SINGLE thing we do, even in private, affects the church. imagine that. and to think that just 8 months ago everything we between christ and me ONLY. i was so individualistic. i was so wrong.

mmm... in terms of school work. i find i still have to constantly remind myself that even in school and my studies, it should still be worship unto my Lord. still working to figure that bit out.
this helped: but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. -eph 4:28

Sex is not the problem, lust is- a 5 week study series on God and Sex happening @ CERC starting this friday for guys and saturday for girls. contact me for info ;) really looking forward to hanging with the sistas (:

life under God is da bomb! lol.
to my brothers and sisters, lets always be thankful for the grace and hope we have received and never fail to meet to encourage each other and grow to maturity till the Day arrives.

♥, robyn

2010-04-21T21:50:00.000+08:00

the flu has caught up with me while i was busy catching up with work. thanks to it, i'm wound up on my bed now trying to get some rest when all that's in my head is: you're wasting time you're wasting time. when did school work start taking a hold of me like that? perhaps you'd say a 'semester5' label might warrent for it. but that's precisely the point. semester 5 IS the small issue. the big issue i guess, to put it into one word, would be WORSHIP-to our creator saviour with our lives.

it was a much needed reminder for me indeed that while my studying is worship unto the Lord, it does not define my worship to God who really, demands my life, not my A+'s. He is worthy of all praise for ever and ever. Amen.

good night world<3

2010-04-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

You held out Your arms, I walked away
Insolent, I spurned Your face
Squandering the gifts You gave to me
Holding close forbidden things
Destitute, a rebel still, a fool in all my pride
The world I once enjoyed is death to me
No joy, no hope, no life

Where now are the friends that I had bought
Gone with every penny lost
What hope could there be for such as I
Sold out to a world of lies
Oh, to see Your face again, it seems so distant now
Could it be that You would take me back
A servant in Your house

You held out Your arms, I see them still
You never left, You never will
Running to embrace me, now I know
Your cords of love will always hold
Mercy’s robe, a ring of grace
Such favor undeserved
You sing over me and celebrate
The rebel now Your child

The Prodigal by Sovereign Grace Music

2010-03-26T23:10:00.004+08:00

im thinking they're most probably in hell and the best thing about burning josticks is for it being a contribution to global warming.

there. i said it. you know its true.

1 cor 10-
you cannot have part in both the Lord's table and the table of demons. Are we trying to arouse the Lord's jealousy? Are we stronger than he?
"Everything is permissible"-but not everything is beneficial. "everything is permissible"-but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

2010-03-25T22:17:00.001+08:00

its like i died.

2010-03-16T21:53:00.003+08:00

ARGH!

no CHRISTIANS.

church is not a whatever-floats-your-boat thing.

neither is the bible.

and NEITHER is taking God seriously.

so much for calling yourselves people of God.

2010-03-12T11:49:00.002+08:00

busy took on a whole new meaning for me this week. i have leveled up and ive never felt so productive in my whole 2 years 2 months of being in malaysia. the whole plan of learning how to manage my time, im glad, is coming along.

next thing on the agenda:
by 4:30pm- in less than 250 words, tell 25 medical school deans my future plans and general career aspirations after graduation from PMS/IMU Clincal school.... righto.

queued up:
study 5hours worth of lectures by indian lecturers
40-page report
revision for 7 semesters

tonight:
prep for LITTLE PEOPLE!!! =D
mark 7:1-23
..........

ok.... GO!

2010-03-02T08:59:00.004+08:00

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. -Rom6:22

I no longer live for myself but for my God. the creator of the heavens and earth. the God who rescued me from the dominion of darkness and brought me into the kingdom of Jesus Christ.

Soli deo gloria

♥

2009-12-11T11:52:00.008+08:00

(: 11/12/09. finally a day all to myself- no obligations or arrangements whatsoever. though i'd love to spend the day with family/friends but i think i need days like these once in awhile to remind myself that i gotta learn how to love my own company.

i apologise for that bit on top. firstly, i should be out there talking to friends, taking advantage of EVERY opportunity. and the bit about not having obligations or arrangements. i was just being downright lazy. our obligation is to serve God with our entire being all the time. He's God. He deserves at that at the least. after ALL that He's given us- everything we have. and the bit about loving my own company. what rubbish. so unbecoming of a member of the church.

i'm sorry.

somehow i've been feeling more private than i used to. hence, the lack of updates.

lots of contemplation about my life's in order.
i think everyone should do the same for their own too.

here's a pretty cool poem-ish snippet i got off ps. andrew cheah at TTC '08:

If I take my sins back to the cross,

Then I know I’m forgiven.

When satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see him there,

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless saviour died,

My sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

To look on him and pardon me.

choose life.

♥, rob

2009-11-25T19:31:00.010+08:00

THOUGHTS OF AN EXAM-TAKER
@ 7:31pm- i don't really know what im reading anymore..
@7:34PM- YES!!! dinner time. note to self: after dinner- renal&repro patho, repro physiology, PBL, pharmaco... GEEGEE! thank God for DINNER! x)
@8:50pm- just finished endo patho. -.-can't seem to recall anything. CRAPS. grrr. shower time!
@10:39pm- might be able to finish renal patho in an hour. i have realised the great importance of having good, neat, legible notes (x.x)
@11:20pm- my mind is blank... seriously.. x( dieee.... hope i don't blank out tmr. gonna sleep soon. good night...

<3,>

2009-11-25T13:25:00.003+08:00

i just getting slighty sick of studying. but not literally, thank God.

today feels weird. it tastes like restlessness, with abit of guilt and... anticipation but hopelessness and frustration but resignation... and nostalgia... o.O

maybe procrastination's the sum of it. HAH!

the coffee's working and that cannot be wasted.

18 and a half hours till exam.
15 and a half hours till me feeling indifferent, like i do after every exam.

by the grace of God,
♥♥♥,
rob

2009-11-08T02:11:00.004+08:00

kaha! its 2 am on a sunday morning andi just wanna say.. saturday was good! =)

the morning saw me enjoying my MUET paper. had a great lunch with family+ family friends and i'd say somewhat productive study time the rest of the day (which is a satisfactory enough start for me when it comes to study)

i know i've been MIA in the cyberworld for the past.. 3 weeks or so.. (doubt that's disappointing news to anyone. haha!) but i've been busy with the more tangible world. its been fun but as of yesterday, its 19 days till exams. so yes! i couldn't be more happy about studying (:

(: just thought i'd touch base with whoever's reading this before i disappear for another 2+ weeks. prayers would be much much much MUCH appreciated.

OOOH!
i was wow-ed by col 1:15-20
*The Supremacy of Christ*
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

haha! could have very wewll bolded the whole thing actually.. =P

(: to everyone sitting for exams... happy studying.
ttyl!

♥♥♥ rob

p.s. chatterbox is problematic ):

2009-10-25T15:25:00.003+08:00

teehee! the sky's really cool now. look! there're rain clouds but still sunny! =D hee!

i havent had much to say lah.. so... that's the reason for the lack of updates. perhaps im learning to talk less crap...

i had MUET exam last wednesday and on tuesday i had sore throat and by wednesday it cleared! =D

dewali night dance on friday was fun! i screwed up abit but i guess im getting used to screwing up in front of large crowds... skin's growing thicker. haha!

next week's gonna be another busy week with malaysian studies project on THURSDAY!!! and i think BM exam on friday... yes.. its still tentative. but thank GOD its only 20%.

my God loves a sinner like me. man... that's so hard to imagine...

2009-10-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

past week+ has been good =) hehe! ;);) tonight's bit weird tho. cos even tho im so dead tired, i don't feel like sleeping in case i die tonight. in which case, i wouldn't have to do my MUET tmr. but.... i don't think im ready to die yet. there're things still left undone. hmmm.. i guess im really not ready to go until i want to go.. get what i mean? heh. anyway.. tmr's gonna be a crazy day and only by God's strength would i get through this week. i am so blessed i tell you so blessed with everything and everyone that i have. so blessed i could burst.

ok sleepy sleepy. good night world. (:

love, robo

2009-10-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

2009-10-09T18:17:00.003+08:00

give it an hour and the sun will set.

i love friday nights in my room with a single dim light and chilled out music.

today was tiring

but i could swear i saw you smiling in my direction...

2009-10-07T09:52:00.002+08:00

saturday- run for the nation. its this 5km run on the streets while we pray for Malaysia... (:

so i was "training" today.. the running bit la.. still got issues praying outloud while running. i cant even hear myself! hah! but anywhooos....

while i was running today, i asked God why.. since His people are already chosen, why is it that we're still told to spread the word to everyone? (im quite bad with putting my thoughts properly into words) so when i got home... The Parable of the Wedding Banquet!

1Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: 2"The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. 3He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.
4"Then he sent some more servants and said, 'Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.'
5"But they paid no attention and went off—one to his field, another to his business. 6The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. 7The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.
8"Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. 9Go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.' 10So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.
11"But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. 12'Friend,' he asked, 'how did you get in here without wedding clothes?' The man was speechless.
13"Then the king told the attendants, 'Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
14"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

♥♥♥i love it when God speaks.

YOU! enjoy your day! =)

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

2009-10-07T00:08:00.005+08:00

uh... hah!!! ok... i was playing around with this photo and look where 2 hours has brought me.. it was tricky finding an image host that'll let me hotlink the uploaded pictures. imageHosting.com works perfect tho =) this's so not what i planned to do tonight! sighhh... anyway... the background was taken before i was surprised at the farewell surprise at st. kilda beach (i think, it was. either st kilda or st clairs. i never could remember which beach was which..) its not the whole picture cos the bottom's really quite dark so i cut that bit off. i know the words still blend into the background abit too well but... i donno what to do la.. =/ haha! OH WELL! i think it is HIGH TIME study's due.

♥♥♥

thought: singapore people- what's with the recent over-use of "FTW"?! im assuming that's... for the win? o.O

2009-10-06T22:04:00.002+08:00

haha! the reason why my blog looks like that... is... cos... i think the photobucket account with the picture expired =P shame.. it was a nice pic. oh well! guess that just means its time to revamp! =) maybe over the weekend =) yayyy.

On another note... everyday's been fun! =) learning more about the truth. heh. the joy that comes with that... so idiopathic i tell you. haha!

Run for the nation's coming up this sat... hmmm... havent been training much. plus i've this thing about praying out loud with other people around... i just feel really uncomfortable... but at least i know its defintely something i gotta change. maybe this saturday or maybe tmr, that'll change. hoho! i should pray about it aye!!!! why did that never occur to me!?! goshh! tsktsk. slow. pray about praying.. haha!

Studywise, ive been embarassingly inactive. yes i recognise that it is one of my few important responsibilities. sighhh... *tries to pull up invisible socks*

And other wise... thought: about couples who stay together for AGES. i bet they change but they still insist their partner's perfect. dont they get bored of each other? how can people be so certain about marriage? how are they so sure they're strong enough to not be fickle and love their partner no matter how monsterous they become? i don't know what love is.

2009-09-27T20:56:00.005+08:00

=/ just got back from rawang... was so super tired.... KO-ed immediately after a shower.

*WHIIIINNNNEEEEE GROANNNNNN*

school's starting again tmr... there's really no more excuse and no option of not studying anymore.. i've got 2 months to sem 4 exams and bout 8 months before i'll be plucking out these roots and replanting them somewhere else. sighhhh...

school work's the bigger bummer right now tho. *#%^@$;#!!!!! RARRH

who will have ice cream with me tonight?

2009-09-25T23:05:00.004+08:00

for about half a mintue today, i spent thinking about leaving next year. i might just cry... cos im starting to like this place. or rather, perhaps, the people. and i will miss here. why oh why does this always have to happen? =,( its painful to think about. emotions suck like that.

2009-09-25T12:05:00.002+08:00

last night i dreamt i spoke to W.
i also dreamt of hanging out with my aunt and cousins. bit of a blurry drama.
night before last, i dreamt i hugged C and nearly cried out of joy.
i love dreams =) they make thoughts feel like reality.

2009-09-24T13:08:00.006+08:00

SCHOOL'S OUT!! =D

so "what might i be up to?" you might be wondering if i wonder you're wondering. (that makes sense ok..)

i went for Thinking Theologically Conference '09 from monday till yesterday! =D my brain hadn't felt so used since... forever. yea.. it was draining but i'd say certain concepts i had regarding the cross and atonement has been and continues to be corrected (which is a very very good thing) eg... learning about propitiation and that ive been way way way too liberal. none of God's creation (not even if we had the right to give the entire universe) is sufficient penance for our sins. imagine the severity of sin. But, Jesus.

this conference turned out more theoretical than i imagined. but as a result, I am now convinced that being a christian isn't/shouldn't/couldn't be entirely based on feeling close to God, and doing God-related things only when i feel like it or when life's going good. but its about humbling myself because i am the creation and He is the creator who has shown unbelievably more mercy than we ever deserved.

and again, praise God for His perfect timing cos after what i came out of just a couple of weeks ago, this something i feel is really important for me to get my head around. so, not that im feeling particularly fired up. but bring on Reformasi IMU!! =D

After studying nothing but God-related stuff for the past 3 days, i'm feeling abit meh-ed going back to studying school stuff xP but i better get to it cos i only have today and fry-day cos ill be in rawang for the weekend away with alpha.

we're starting on repro next week. the boys swear they'll attend every lecture and not fall asleep. haha!

2009-09-20T17:38:00.002+08:00

i spent pretty much the entire afternoon looking through my hardrive of photos and videos from the past 4 years... so resultantly.. now im just all nostalgic... i miss sgp, sc, kkmc, elim, el nido, foundy, cc. its just a list but yea.. i was gonna put up pictures and post videos. but its hard deciding which ones to put up.... so... yea.. i didnt put any up. haha! one day... one day... miss ya'll yo.. lots.

...saturdays make me think about life.

2009-09-20T14:22:00.006+08:00

=) 'Eid mubarak to all my muslim friends =)

today is 'Eid. i don't know much about it. i don't know why they celebrate it. the most i know is that our muslim brothers and sisters ask for forgiveness and break fast. hmmm... but today as i was wishing my friend happy 'Eid i had this overwhealming sense of joy and love. the feeling that.. im sharing their joy on this special day with them. and i feel so blessed to be able to experience this. so to all my muslim friend. 'Eid mubarak!! =) i love you guys! =) =)

and.... *Drumroll......*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEN!!!

I LOVE YOUUU!!! XD

2009-09-20T03:04:00.006+08:00

teehee! greetings :) life this week has been at an all time high.. at least within the past one and a half years :) God has been showing up so much in situations its just been blowing me away. WHOOO!!! xD

TTC's coming up- monday to wednesday. i've got a feeling TTC's gonna be GREAT! xD so excited to see God work and hear God speak! =D in a way i'd be stepping out of my comfort zone meeting new people and all.. kinda jittery bout that bit too. but God will comfort if i'd just ask.

i shared something with jaer today. after that i realised, since it amazed me so much, why dont i share it more? why right? so here it goes...

couple months ago during my philipians course, an uncle shared this. a friend of his went to visit a silver factory in hope of finding out more about Psalm 66:10-For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. she watched as the silversmith stood in front of the kiln, sweating. his eyes never left the kiln. she then asked him, "why do you have to keep looking into the kiln?" "i have to take the silver out at just the right time, or it may get damaged." "so how do you know when its ready to be taken out?" and he said,"when i can see my reflection in it."

just LOOK at God's analogy. wow.... lets take a moment to appreciate it...................................................

mmmm.... we're so fragile and God cares so much for us. He stands there and takes the heat. for us... who are we man? we are like... grains of sand compared to him. He loves us so much... and He knows the exact time that we'll be ready. that time would be when He is reflected in us... hee! i just love this. the bible has officially become my fav book =D

just an update... what was in my way before is now no more and now im just basking in the joy of new/renewed faith, friendships, seasons and purpose.

i miss my friends tonight...

yours in Christ with love,
rob

2009-09-13T20:29:00.003+08:00

hello! =) just got back form CF camp at peacehaven up on genting. LOVED IT! =) it was just what i needed. i was in about half a mintue of awe when i realised how God's timing's just perfect. its been a tough two weeks. i fell in love temporarily with things that did not go down well with my christian walk. i knew full well that it was wrong. but whatever it was... it was strong enough to make me turn 180º away from Jesus. though part of me actually wanted to give it all up and start living a worldly life, looking back, that was a really big wall in my heart that just had to be smashed down. i know i kinda did it intentionally but. trust me. it sucked cos God felt SO so so... SO. far. i prayed for a change of heart and perseverence in getting through that desert patch. then God sent CF camp! not only that, there's the alpha weekend coming up on raya weekend and TTC after that. ill have time to "train up" abit before alpha weekend and come TTC, i'll be looking forward to my eyes being opened WIDEEE! =) plus lectures pretty much end on this wed, after which there'll be the raya week to study so i'll have time for the 2 of the most important things in my life right now. i like =) praise God. i'm so glad to be back on track again, heading up Mt. Sinai. =P

Lord, give us a heart for your people.

2009-09-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

if i could, ill drop everything- school and all the other things society we live in says we should do. i'll hop onto the next plane to a spot with a view and sit there, taking everything in until i fall asleep. i'll pull you out of bed and drag you along for a walk. i wouldnt mind lying on the grass staring at the stars with you either. but it'll be over when the sun rises.

life's getting such a drag. i know ive said this before and i bounce back anyway. but this time feels different. im... changing in a negative way but not bothering about it cos part of me feels its ok. even the thought of upcoming christian camps and conferences arent making me feel like it's gonna get better. sketching a picture of my eraser and falling asleep arent things i usually do during lecture. the library isnt a place that makes me wanna study anymore. im getting to be anti social at home.

somebody, stab me.

2009-09-09T09:39:00.000+08:00

2009-09-09T08:10:00.003+08:00

where there is light, there cannot be darkness. i am a dim light.

2009-09-06T17:11:00.003+08:00

hey... had such a busy week. but by God's strength, i've come out of it without falling sick. heh. next 3 weekends gonna be hectic-as. this coming weekend- CF camp, next weekend- alpha then TTC conference and singapore! so exciting.. better stuff study time in between too =P

i actually dont really feel like blogging right now.. its a lazy lazy weekend =P i'll let pictures (and captions) do the talking...

went shopping yesterday. these're my cousin's shoes. i love them. i helped her do the laces so she didnt have to tie them all the time.. ahha! yes i know the laces are very cool. thank you.

this was taken during our rotations in gombak last semester. its REAL tree bark. cool aye ;)

yea k. im out of pictures.

enjoy your week! =)

REVOLUTION IS THE AMMUNITION!

totally man.

love, rob

2009-09-03T07:04:00.001+08:00

good morning Jesus! life is good =)

2009-09-02T23:23:00.004+08:00

i'm thinking about crushes and bad timing. (talk about pessimism)
just speaking from a hypothetical point of view. it takes a great number of permutations for 2 people to like each other. and another set of many many permuations for them to get together and work out in the end. time will tell.

i don't feel like typing my day out today, sorry. lazy and tired. it was good tho. watched UP=)
now back to my 8-pages of awesome ~~crap~~ report

...hmmm... life IS an adventure.

love, rob

2009-09-01T22:31:00.001+08:00

...if they gave out degrees for procrastination...

2009-09-01T21:18:00.005+08:00

sunset@KLIA

hehe! i suspect that secretly, green might be my fav colour =P

i'm just procrastinating from doing my work right now.. tsktsk...

that day at FRIM, we had time to think about God...

Gen 1:28... God said man would rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

that bit there struck me. God gave us that responsibility to be good rulers. and good rulers look after whatever they're in charge of. and i guess if the rul-ees turn on their rulers then the ruler has no choice but to deal with them. (like killing mosquitoes?) so i guess it works the same way. God's in charge of us. he will take care of us if we respect Him... hmmm.. if not He'll have to "deal with us". i think we take this responsibility of ruling the living things too likely. would you rather go naked than wear fur? or do homework on non-recyled paper than cut down trees? or not do homework at all? =P (no but seriously. lets not abuse our power)

so i guess there's no running from work anymore =P

peace out yo!
love,rob

2009-09-01T09:19:00.000+08:00

If you want to be miserable, think about yourself, about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you and what people think of you.

-Charles Kingsley

2009-08-31T20:13:00.006+08:00

=) today was MERDEKA! MERDEKA!! MERDEKA!!! day =)
woke up at 6.45am and the first thing that came to my mind was... ughhh. you stupid girl... why did you agree to this?! on impulse, i agreed to go for a nature walk thing at FRIM- forest reserve institute malaysia. i was so sleepy and anti social at first.. but it got better when my brain woke up. met heaps've ossum ppl =) they're REALLY friendly! =D loved the whole family church atmosphere. families knew one another, they brought along friends, gf/bfs... there was just really happy aura. God definitely joined us. =P i dont regret the early rise anymore. PICTURE TIME! =)

black lily

elephant =)

my superb phototaking skills

God's amazing idea.

liana (the one tarzan uses)

and the new week begins again...
i am dreading the repetition.

2009-08-30T19:39:00.003+08:00

eee... so unmotivated to do any form of work. but im so bored otherwise.... extremely conflicting position to be in you know.. =

tmr's medeka holiday and i am going to the jungle! =) some forest.. to walk.. or something. i have no idea. 7.30am. HAHA!

you know i have this (bad) habit of shaking my legs when i sit? you know like how the ah bengs do it? apparently i'll shake away my beauty or something.. that's what the older people say... girls shake away their looks and guys shake away their wealth. haha! chinese parents are so logical! so im unconsciously becoming uglier... =/ oh well! in my defence, it helps keep the mosquitoes away.

i very kindly wanted to upload pictures from my phone to here but &#$%#^ donno what my phone wants from me. =/ its hanging again... sigh. hopefully ill get a new phone soon.

saya ada aungur makan. that sounds so grammatically wrong. there're grapes downstairs. so i will go down and eat those grapes.. now...

word of the day agape. came up in church so if you're smart like me, you'd think its pronounced "a-g-ape" as in open but since its church, NOT REALLY! its also a greek word. and its pronounced "ah-gah-peh" meaning... uh... super pure love or something of the sort. it'll be flattering but dont quote me please.

word of yesterdayZOMG. originating from typing errors by gamers who meant "OMG", its now considered a more severe version of OMG. like.. "ZOMGGG!!!!" gettit? its also the name of some sci-fi character...

yes so back to the grapes... cant keep them waiting... =)

productive night tonight shall be. -yoyodada

life's too short to be sane,
love,
rob

2009-08-29T22:27:00.003+08:00

so first week back in school's been better than i thought. im actually enjoying it. just the right amount of work to keep me feeling useful. malaysian stuides and BM classes been making my timetable crazyas. but its fine. they dont take much brainwork. cept for malay homework.

hmmm.... so besides school, cousin of mine left tonight.. just now. after waiting bout a month for his visa. quite disappointing that the american immigration took so long. really dont expect it from them. those long drives to and from the airport make me emo. ok maybe just today. i feel bad. was talking to a friend online earlier in the afternoon and he was telling me bout someone's passing but i kinda didn't read his messages in order and i sent a smiley before i realised what he said.. how stupid of me. i feel so bad about it, i dont dare to talk to him.. =/ hmmm.. death of loved ones is scary. i have this constant fear of a family member dying =( dont know how to overcome it.

hmmm... there's been something.. i wouldnt say bugging me.. but its been an issue for me for the past.. week or so. ok might as well say it. so its about being unequally yolked. now J didnt and still doesnt know this. (and i doubt he reads my blog) and the other day, when i was talking to J.. i randomly decided to read my bible. i felt kinda rude doing it. but i did it anyway.. then i said, kinda as a joke but not really, "God, speak to me" and i opened the bible to a random page. it was ezra. J immediately went "Oh! let me show you something" so while he was looking for the verse, i went "J, what do you think about people who're unequally yolked" haha! it was pretty amazing. the verses he wanted to show me were ezra 10:18-44. where they talk about intermarriage. God dislikes it so much that He'll put the names of people who intermarry, in the bible. God spoke and i will obey. so i dont know if its cos ive run out of things to say to BG, or if im subconsciously trying to stay away. its helping nonetheless. gotta guard my heart.

sometimes i really just feel like letting go and being wild. but every fraction of a beat of music has got to be faced.

2009-08-26T11:35:00.001+08:00

hmmmm.... how can this be applied to my life?

2009-08-26T10:23:00.002+08:00

here's a video that reminded me of how much excess i don't need and how much need they have...

heard there's something on at the townhall if you happen to be in dunedin tonight =)

2009-08-23T01:20:00.002+08:00

gloom's here again.

perhaps im unconsciously mourning the end of my holidays. or the start of a busy days.
maybe its my flesh that's distracting me from being christian.
possibly the regret of not living crazy-wildly when i had the chance.

i've lost my golf glove too... Dx i should be in singapore now. i got a report to write... yadayadarantrantrant.

2009-08-22T01:05:00.002+08:00

im sitting on my bed now with only the light of the laptop while listening to comfortable by john mayer...

i am happy for ___ and ___ =) just in case they dont want me telling. but these 2 amazing people have come such a long way. they're super annointed and i think they're so good together and for each other. just very very excited about what God has in store for them =) warm fuzzies =)

as for me... ill tell when things happen. and yes. im constantly reminded that my fate's really in my hands and mistakes would be my own doing. someone once sat me down and told me to guard my heart. now that i understand what it means, i will try hard to.

just the weekend left and the busy schedule'll be hitting me like a tsunami wave... when that comes, i hope i'll still be able to put aside a couple of mintues sitting on my bed with only the light of my laptop while listening to comfortable by john mayer.

oddly enough, ive been feeling an aura of gloom these last couple of nights before i sleep. time for a chat with God.

love,
rob

2009-08-18T23:44:00.003+08:00

http://www.myspace.com/musicchester
i really like the first song. just totally suits my mood tonight... =) im not saying the lyrics are what im feeling tho. haha!

2009-08-18T15:26:00.002+08:00

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"-2 Corinthians 6:14

2009-08-12T22:01:00.003+08:00

=) hey all. today was our last day in surgery. i'd say we felt much more comfortable with the dr as compared to how we felt on the first day. though he was still shooting us with questions. LOL. he's awesome tho. great surgeon. really good teacher too =) used to teach in imu actually... sigh.. the nuber of good lecturers we've lost. we had a half day today and went for a 4-hour lunch after that. haha!

our conversations somehow arrived at vampires. here's a thought. if they drink so much blood, why're they so pale. and i assume they'll have black coloured poo. they should also have hemosiderin deposits in the eyes, skin, liver etc. heyyy! their skin should be brownnn... FLAW. but no splenomegaly aye? cos the blood cells would be broken down in the intestinal lumen. what else? hmmmm....

p.s. i think im gonna miss electives.. like seriously.. =(

2009-08-11T21:51:00.002+08:00

CRACK UP!

heehee! =) it was quiet at the hospital today. just couple of cases in the office. some really cute old ppl x) the afternoon was spent falling asleep in the waiting area =) HOMEWORK TIME! btw, guilty- my desks're still not cleared.

2009-08-10T19:57:00.005+08:00

ello! =) haha! im home now. had a really interesting day with a general surgeon! =D makes me feel like doing surgery =) heee! gives me something to work for.

so in the morning, we were in the dr's office seeing patients and getting shot with questions by the dr. i got so totally grilled and scolded. but... wasn't expecting otherwise. this's what you get for not studying.. =/ hm... i vaguely remember making a promise to my friend that i'll study everyday starting from the time i clear up my room... since the dr wants to quiz us tmr, i guess that time would be tonight (o.O) SIGH.... play time's over...

we found this wonderful small cafe hidden out in a small room of the hospital which has food MUCH better than the hospital cafeteria's! xD yay!

later on in the afternoon, it was OT time! xD I WORE SCRUBSSS!!!! =D haha! FIRST UP! was the removal of a salivary gland cyst. the cyst was slimey.. SECOND UP! a subcuatneous masectomy on a guy who had gynecomastia. thought i might faint from all the blood and the tugging of the skin. cos the surgeon only made like a 3cm incision to remove a 8cm-ish piece of breast tissue. OUCH! so guys! cut down on hormone fed chickens and soya bean if you dont want boobs. apparently they hurt too so dont play play. at the end of it the area was hollowed out and a drain was inserted to remove fluid that'll accumulate in the hollow. THIRD UP! circumcision. FORTH... laporoscopic removal of.. an ovarian cyst or something. takes skill to move those sticks man.. the person who invented laporoscopy's such a genius. the patient only ends up with 3 1cm incisions for the removal of a cyst. talk about a good deal! haha! and another amazing thing.. the electrical thing they use to stop bleeding. the surgeon identifies the vessel he wants to occlude and uses a metal stick which conducts an electric current i think. either that or heat, and it burns the vessel and fuses it to stop the bleeding. how amazing's that! and that "burner stick" thing can also be used to burn off bits of flesh. but when it burns fat it stinks =S

so that was all for me at the hospital. now i gotta study for tmr. i prob would be grilled again. OH WELL! at least i try right? =)

yours truly in scrubs,
rob

oh yea! one more exciting thing about the OT! the lights're SO blinding! after the op, everywhere you look, there'll be a patch of... greenish.. yellowish blackish... you know what im talking bout right? =P hehe! and oh.. i caught an anaestetist sleeping.. LOL

2009-08-09T20:23:00.001+08:00

If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.
-Anonymous

2009-08-07T01:45:00.003+08:00

=) hey.. its 2 in the morning and i really shouldn't be up. but well im not sleepy. i chanced upon someone's blog. now this person.. i met, quite randomly. not really the kind of person im used to hanging out with either. but we're friends =) glad we are. made me realise that under whatever facade people may have, its always the same layer at the bottom. the honest human with weaknesses, likes and dislikes etc. in that way, technically, everyone can get along with everyone. which is nice to know and even better if everyone could see that.

i have screwed up a couple of friendships over the past year. one of which was resolved today so im really happy about it. all i needed was to sort out my attitude. it is true that what you think changes how you do things. and that, really, changes EVERYTHING about your life. everything.

so with my changed attitude, i helped out at the first session of the alpha course at my church today. it was great =) met heaps of cool new people =) next week's mission: set further out of my comfort zone- its only brought blessings to me so far.

as for the rest of my life, i've been at sunway medical centre doing my electives. first day wasnt so swell. did cardiology. felt like the doctors hated us. gave us books to read for the night even. didnt manage to finish the reading but the doctors were much nicer on day 2. well.. killed us with questions but i learnt lots =) day 3. really quiet day at the hepato-biliary surgeon's. watched 3 movies on tv at the waiting room while waiting. heh. day 4. sat in for consults with a physician whose motto was not to work past 12.30pm- i like. haha! the one more hour with the opthalmologist and we were done. =) ive been having so much fun at the hospital. cant wait for clinicals =)

cousin's leaving for uk on sat =/ sigh...

well ok. im still not sleepy. time to turn the lights down and stare at my ceiling. would be nice to have someone to talk the night away tonight. hello Jesus =)

night =)

love,
rob

2009-07-29T01:08:00.001+08:00

2009-07-28T17:39:00.003+08:00

this girl craks me up. haha!

2009-07-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

2009-07-11T17:56:00.002+08:00

2009-07-10T09:32:00.002+08:00

today is D-day- results day.

since i've started my course here, i've lost count of how many times i've doubted i could do this. what strong faith i have. so today, i reckon, is as good as any day to start clinging on to God's promises abit more tightly and having more faith that He will provide, no matter how the situation appears to be.

so today, maybe i shouldn't pray for a pass. i pray that i will have more faith and strength to take whatever that comes my way. and i pray that i will continue to praise my Lord cos He would be greater than the circumstance. may His will be done.

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.

2009-07-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

2009-07-08T19:44:00.000+08:00

i think im getting lazy. and i hope it wouldnt take a fail to get me back on track.

2009-07-07T10:13:00.003+08:00

here's a rhetorical question. how GREAT is our God? hurr?

about a mintue ago i replied a couple of messages on facebook (without much zest, if i might add) after that i lay in my bed and told God i felt crap and somehow my holidays always end up like this... but... my phone rings. IM DOING MY ELECTIVE IN SUNWAY MEDICAL CENTRE! =D

God loves me. =) today's going great. all 20 mins of it. just wish i could feel the same way.

2009-07-07T09:29:00.002+08:00

good morning world =) who knew from some 7892km away, my mom could still wake me up in the mornings =) but.. today, it didnt make me angry. thank God i woke up on the right side of bed.

apparently its gonna snow in dunedin today. how nice =)

oh yea.. its pretty much confirmed i wont be getting on a plane to nz this month. hey.. at least we tried, right?

ok.. so lets continue that story in the previous entry..
so we were on genting.. and we left. we had car trouble. well.. it was more of us not knowing how to handle a manual car coming down a hill.. we were on freegear at first.. the breaks started smoking up after 5 mins.. we stopped the car, waited for the breaks to cool down and prayed. another 5 mins and we had to stop again. thank God a taxi driver stopped to teach us how to drive.. yes.. you use 2nd/3rd gear and press the breaks intermittently.. heh. ok so we didnt wanna overload the car either right. so 2 of my friends decided to take that cab to the cable car station near the foot of the hill and we'll pick them up from there after the car was through with the steep parts of the hill. ok. [bit of background info: the roads on genting are one way] so the 2 in the cab stopped at the cable car station and the cab carried on its merry way down the hill. and we, in smokey-brake-car, missed the turning for the station. the only way to go back was to go down then up again. it was dark by now so that'll be quite dangerous to do. hm. we called our friends. they said the busses headed down from the cable car station were fully booked all night. and cabs heading down the hill from the cable car station are a rare. thank God they managed to get a cab. we all got back to sea level in one piece by the grace of our mighty God =) He's got our back. He really does.

so my exams ended last friday. when WAS that? ive totally lost track of time. this's what i don't like about holidays. well. i've been filling my time with gossip girl. heh. yes.. o.O i think i might be addicted to it. i just watch episode after episode after episode. this's baddd... good news is.. im finishing season 2.. i think its the last season. then after this.. there's one tree hill, house, grays... but yea.. as much as a feel like being lazy just sitting on my bum and looking at a 13.3" screen all day, i should take this time to catch up with my friends. ita really really not that i dont want to. part of me feels like being anti social.. well... for right now at least. maybe its cos i had 5 hours of sleep thanks to gossip girl.

but i miss you, i do. hope to talk to you soon

love, rob <3

2009-07-04T01:40:00.002+08:00

today would be one of the few days in my life so far that i would describe as.... ADVENTUROUS.

i woke up this morning with no plans. so... my morning was spent watching gossip girl xoxo. haha! it was decided at 11.40 that my friends and i would head up to genting. by 12.50 we were on our way... we got lost on the way there.. even with a gps. okayyy... so... we reached.. had lunch, played at the arcade and a "flying coaster" ride. we met szum too =) .......(this's not the end)

ok.. im really really sleepy.. im actually starting to type rubbish.. just now i found my thoughts wandering and me typing out my dream/thoughts.. completely nothing to do with this. ahaha! so yes...

to be continued...

night world, i love you,

robyn

2009-07-03T00:28:00.003+08:00

nickelback's if today was your last day video [mouseover ;)]

guess what?! =D my exams're over! heehee! x)

by the grace of God.. and seriously.. there can be nothing else, i got to where i am today and i will pass... =)

i watched transformers today! yay! xD i love it when they're cars and driving.. then they change while moving... whoo! xD

wonder what im gonna do this hols... ill make a list!
1. learn to beat box. HAHA!
2. get my lisence (if im in KL)
3. read books?

2009-06-23T22:23:00.002+08:00

i miss being around PEOPLE. im starting to talk to myself on a regular basis.

2009-06-23T01:04:00.001+08:00

haha! brilliant. you know what i need?

a private jet

2009-06-22T01:08:00.001+08:00

you've got hands, why won't you do it?

you've got a voice, why won't you say it?

you've got brains, why won't you use them?

2009-06-21T21:51:00.002+08:00

i think im a runner. i run.. away from problems.. everytime things get tough here, i wish i was back in nz. somehow ive got this impression that everything's always great there. though its not really true. hm.. so.. if things're not great here, and not great there and neither do i belong here, neither do i belong there. im, in fact, left with nothing. no where. im not feeling extremely spiritual now. but i know i would be in a much much more worse state than if i didn't know Jesus right now.

i think i blame it on the studying every day. ive got an idea fixed in my head that says ive gotta study from the moment i wake up to the moment im falling asleep on my books. well, except for toilet breaks and meal times. only then, would i not be a slacker and i would take no blame if i failed. honestly, i wish i could remember everything by just reading it one time. imagine how much time ill have to do other things. things that made a difference.

why am i not smarter?

this can't be it. i'm convinced that i have yet to find that balance between study and living. because studying WILL NOT be my life. but i don't know how.

something's gotta change.

2009-06-21T21:42:00.002+08:00

hey all =) how's it going? i wish i could talk about more than just study. but its 7 days to my exams and so it is the major thing happening in my life now. hm.. yea.. ive been having lotsa trouble studying these past 2 days. yesterday i only managed 2 hours. today was slightly better but i just watch a movie. my sassy girl. its the 3rd time im watching that movie. its so so sweet.

i called home today. its father's day =)

chances of me going back this hols are coming close to zero.

=(

all those having exams tmr, all the best. ill be praying for you guys. and to all those, like me, struggling to study still. it'll be over before you know it. keep going =)

love lots,
robyn

feeling super emo now lor.. donno why.. =P

2009-06-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

this song's stuck in my head!!!! im so distracted.... gr.